i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
