the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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