party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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