dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
