Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
