Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
