Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
