just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
