You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
