If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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