For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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