Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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