my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
