I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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