From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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