I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
