The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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