while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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