My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
