well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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