Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Don't EVER smell your tampon
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
