Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my sisters under your porch take her home
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
