Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
