She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
