I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
