I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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