Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
