I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My breasts were aching with rage.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
