He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
nutella sex= disaster
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
