we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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