It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
