evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
