That's intense
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Send help, water and tortillas.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
