u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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