Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
