I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Let's get the cat blown out
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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