Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
