I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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