OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
