I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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