I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
