what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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