Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Dicks are not precious.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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