We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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