Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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