I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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