Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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