I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
