alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
