the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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