just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
