my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
