i love accidental penises.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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