You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
