I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You ruined the universe
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
