I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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